When you’re feeling guilty, feelings of stress or anxiety may not be too far behind. Stress can manifest in you in many different ways. From waking at night and not being able to fall asleep again, skin irritations to an upset stomach. It’s different for everyone.
If you’re a people pleaser, do you sometimes find that you’ve spread yourself too thin in order to be there for everyone? Or is it that you will feel guilty if you say no when someone asks you for help?
You may say yes readily, and at the time you feel you can give your support but it’s not always easy to be supportive and available to everyone. Those little tasks that also need to be done that you hadn’t taken into account can quickly pile up and lead to you feeling overwhelmed. This is quickly followed by feelings of guilt at the thought of not finishing something you said you would do.
If you’re a member of what’s known as the sandwich generation (parents who combine looking after their own childern with caring for their elderly or ill parent) you will probably have unrealistic demands put on your time and energy from others and by saying yes to more everything you are only adding to this.
Feeling guilty can affect all areas of your life and show itself in many different ways. Have you noticed any of these changes or situations….
- Your health – headaches and migraines, bouts of IBS or increased blood pressure?
- At Work – burning the candle at both ends? This can result in sleep deprivation resulting in brain fog, slower reactions, self-doubt about your ability to do a good job.
- Family & friends – you’re short-tempered, irritable and snappy around them?
It all starts with YES!
1. You say yes to a night out when you would rather be at home doing something more relaxing.
2. You say yes to working late on a project at work because it’s in your nature to finish what you’ve started.
3. You say yes to being on that committee because you enjoy being involved with what’s going on.
4. You say yes to doing something with the children or for a family member because you feel you don’t do enough with or for them.
Get the picture? People start seeing you as the go-to person if they want something done as you always get the job done and rarely say no.
You’re always at their beck-and-call and they feel you enjoy being their ‘Fourth Emergency Service’. It’s not about saying no and not getting involved, it’s about recognising when your default is to people-please. A busy person will always be asked to do more so it’s up to you to set the boundaries.
Here are some ideas on how to break the cycle of saying yes
Prioritise your time and activities
Be realistic and set aside time each week for things you would like to do with family, for family, for yourself, with friends and work commitments.
Keep a diary
This helps to keep you on track. Also, when you’re feeling guilty about not doing enough, this will help you (and others) to see how much you have done. It’s also useful to give yourself some thinking time when someone asks for help. You can say you need to check your diary.
Have routines
If you don’t have a morning or bedtime routine create them and share these with others who may need to know. Routines help you to organise your time. A morning routine will help to start your day on a positive note and a bedtime routine will help you to have a better night’s sleep.
Once you’ve set your boundaries and start living by them, you and others will start to have more respect for your time. You and others will start to recognise how much you are doing in many different areas of your life. You’ll have more self-confidence, feel more in control and be in a better position to manage your stress and anxiety levels that arise from unnecessary feelings of guilt.
Setting boundaries and prioritising your time is something I often help people with during my Calm & Clarity Hours.
Use this link Calm & Clarity Hours to find out more about these sessions.
About Sharon
Sharon lives with her partner Geoff in Warwickshire and they have two adult children. She worked for over 25 years in an office environment, gaining qualifications to degree level in finance, business and management. While there Sharon witnessed and experienced many stressful situations and suffered illnesses that were stress-related.
Sharon was advised to make some changes to her lifestyle which included trying complementary therapies. After experiencing the benefits of complementary treatments, Sharon decided to retrain and to share her knowledge and experiences to help others recognise and manage their own physical and emotional stress and anxiety levels.
Sharon has been working as a complementary therapist for over 15 years now, and she loves helping people manage and reduce their stress levels, to feel uplifted, focused, positive and empowered about their lives.
