Saying ‘Yes’ to more than you can manage?

Are you stuck on a not-so-merry-go-round of saying ‘Yes’ to requests?

Does being seen as the go-to person excite you and get you more requests? Do you sometimes feel stressed but push through to fulfil your commitment?

I said ‘yes’ to too many things to help other people, and when I couldn’t get them all done I felt guilty. By constantly saying yes to so many requests I became physically and mentally exhausted.

For some, saying yes is learnt behaviour, a habit, a natural reaction. Why wouldn’t you say yes when you can? If you get a buzz from a challenge, you love to be kept busy, you are good at juggling things and you have the time and the energy to do more, then why wouldn’t you?

Saying yes to things can open new doors for you and create opportunities to try new things. But when it gets to the stage when your eagerness to please leaves you feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to reconsider your quest to be everything to everyone. 

Consequences of always saying yes

1. You are prioritising other people’s needs above yours
2. You’re committing to burning the candle at both ends to fit everything in
3. You’re not managing expectations well – your’s nor other people’s
4. You may start to feel mentally exhausted, frustrated and possibly some resentment
5. You’ll reduce the time you have to do things you really want to do for yourself.

In general, women tend to find it harder than men to say no. In my experience if you’re self-employed, a working mom or a carer, saying no can bring up feelings of guilt. Guilty because you’re admitting to yourself and others that you are not Super Woman and you can’t do it all. You may fear that people see that you are the go-to person. You may feel that you are letting others down if you can’t fulfil their request. 

Letting Go

Saying no is a form of letting go. Letting go of the need to be at the heart of everything. Letting go of feeling indispensable. Letting go of feeling needed by others. Letting go of the feeling of value that saying yes gives you. Letting go isn’t always easy and can be quite challenging but the benefits will be worth the effort. 

Here are your five reasons to say no

1. You’ll be creating more time to do things you want to say yes to.
2. You’ll be empowering others to do tasks for themselves that help them to learn and grow.
3. You will be reducing your self-imposed pressures to be Super Woman/Man.
4. The stress and anxiety feelings of spinning too many plates will disappear. 
5. People who are taking advantage of your generous nature will move on to someone else.

Remember saying no doesn’t have to be a negative thing. It could be that you are saying no now but you can do it later. When you’re asked to do something and you would ordinarily say yes, take a few seconds to have a think and listen to your gut. If you get a good gut feeling then say yes, if not, say no. 

Choose how you deliver your no carefully. A polite no said with love and respect is usually better received. You could also give some guidance that will encourage the other person to take on the task themselves.

So, for a win-win situation, think about the benefits that you and the other person will gain by you saying no.

Setting Boundaries

When you know it’s time to start saying no more often but you dread saying no as it will upset others, you may start to feel anxious at the thought of saying no. Setting boundaries in a kind and loving way is a good place to start your journey of saying no.  If you need some help with this a Calm and Clarity Hour with me could be just what you need.

These calls provide you with time to unravel your tangled thoughts and introduce calm. Your tailored sessions will be designed to help you get clarity on what support you need for your situation and then I will introduce you to skills and techniques that you can use to better manage your mindset and emotions when dealing with situations that are causing you to feel overwhelmed. By the end of your 60-minute Zoom call, you will have an action plan to move you forward with confidence.

Read more about these sessions here Calm and Clarity Hour

Then get in touch for a chat to see how working with me can help you.

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About Sharon

Sharon lives with her partner Geoff in Warwickshire and they have two adult children. She worked for over 25 years in an office environment, gaining qualifications to degree level in finance, business and management. While there Sharon witnessed and experienced many stressful situations and suffered illnesses that were stress-related.

Sharon was advised to make some changes to her lifestyle which included trying complementary therapies. After experiencing the benefits of complementary treatments, Sharon decided to retrain and share her knowledge and experiences to help others recognise and manage their own physical and emotional stress and anxiety levels.

She has been working as a complementary therapist for over 15 years now and loves helping people manage and reduce their stress levels to feel uplifted, focused, positive and empowered about their lives.